Top Ten Reasons to Use ZFS

Top Ten Reasons to Use ZFS

<10 > · Because Reiserfs just sucks,
< 9 > · Because dd is a sharp tool to leave lying around,
< 8 > · You may need 54 Petabytes in one place someday,
< 7 > · Lotus Domino users need never delete mail just to make disk space,
< 6 > · Because FAT and FAT32 suck so hard they blow,
< 5 > · NTFS is for children,
< 4 > · Its 3AM, the power has failed, do you know where your data is?
< 3 > · Have you ever really done a disaster recovery test? I mean really, have you?
< 2 > · Because the only people who care about “rampant layering violations” don’t live in the real world,
< 1 > · How much do you really trust $0.39/GB? Because your time and data are actually worth real money.

Addendum : < 0 > · 16 hours is just way too long for a filesystem to resync before you can use it.

Field Guide to System Administrators

Field Guide to System Administrators
There are four major species of Unix sysad:

1. The TECHNICAL THUG. Usually a systems programmer who has been forced into system administration; writes scripts in a polyglot of the Bourne shell, sed, C, awk, perl, and APL.
2. The ADMINISTRATIVE FASCIST. Usually a retentive drone (or rarely, a harridan ex-secretary) who has been forced into system administration.
3. The MANIAC. Usually an aging cracker who discovered that neither the Mossad nor Cuba are willing to pay a living wage for computer espionage. Fell into system administration; occasionally approaches major competitors with indesp schemes.
4. The IDIOT. Usually a cretin, morpohodite, or old COBOL programmer selected to be the system administrator by a committee of cretins, morphodites, and old COBOL programmers.

How to identify your system administrator:
SITUATION: Low disk space.

* TECHNICAL THUG: Writes a suite of scripts to monitor disk usage, maintain a database of historic disk usage, predict future disk usage via least squares regression analysis, identify users who are more than a standard deviation over the mean, and send mail to the offending parties. Places script in cron. Disk usage does not change, since disk-hogs, by nature, either ignore script-generated mail, or file it away in triplicate.
* ADMINISTRATIVE FASCIST: Puts disk usage policy in motd. Uses disk quotas. Allows no exceptions, thus crippling development work. Locks accounts that go over quota.
* MANIAC:

# cd /home
# rm -rf `du -s * | sort -rn | head -1 | awk ‘{print $2}’`;

* IDIOT:

# cd /home
# cat `du -s * | sort -rn | head -1 | awk ‘{ printf "%s/*n", $2}’` | compress

SITUATION: Excessive CPU usage.

* TECHNICAL THUG: Writes a suite of scripts to monitor processes, maintain a database of CPU usage, identify processes more than a standard deviation over the norm, and renice offending processes. Places script in cron. Ends up renicing the production database into oblivion, bringing operations to a grinding halt, much to the delight of the xtrek freaks.
* ADMINISTRATIVE FASCIST: Puts CPU usage policy in motd. Uses CPU quotas. Locks accounts that go over quota. Allows no exceptions, thus crippling development work, much to the delight of the xtrek freaks.
* MANIAC:

# kill -9 `ps -augxww | sort -rn +8 -9 | head -1 | awk ‘{print $2}’`

* IDIOT:

# compress -f `ps -augxww | sort -rn +8 -9 | head -1 | awk ‘{print $2}’`

SITUATION: New account creation.

* TECHNICAL THUG: Writes perl script that creates home directory, copies in incomprehensible default environment, and places entries in /etc/passwd, /etc/shadow, and /etc/group. (By hand, NOT with passmgmt.) Slaps on setuid bit; tells a nearby secretary to handle new accounts. Usually, said secretary is still dithering over the difference between ‘enter’ and ‘return’; and so, no new accounts are ever created.
* ADMINISTRATIVE FASCIST: Puts new account policy in motd. Since people without accounts cannot read the motd, nobody ever fulfills the bureaucratic requirements; and so, no new accounts are ever created.
* MANIAC: "If you’re too stupid to break in and create your own account, I don’t want you on the system. We’ve got too many goddamn sh*t-for-brains a**holes on this box anyway."
* IDIOT:

# cd /home; mkdir "Bob’s home directory"
# echo "Bob Simon:gandalf:0:0::/dev/tty:compress -f" > /etc/passwd

SITUATION: Root disk fails.

* TECHNICAL THUG: Repairs drive. Usually is able to repair filesystem from boot monitor. Failing that, front-panel toggles microkernel in and starts script on neighboring machine to load binary boot code into broken machine, reformat and reinstall OS. Lets it run over the weekend while he goes mountain climbing.
* ADMINISTRATIVE FASCIST: Begins investigation to determine who broke the drive. Refuses to fix system until culprit is identified and charged for the equipment.
* MANIAC, LARGE SYSTEM: Rips drive from system, uses sledgehammer to smash same to flinders. Calls manufacturer, threatens pets. Abuses field engineer while they put in a new drive and reinstall the OS.
* MANIAC, SMALL SYSTEM: Rips drive from system, uses ball-peen hammer to smash same to flinders. Calls Requisitions, threatens pets. Abuses bystanders while putting in new drive and reinstalling OS.
* IDIOT: Doesn’t notice anything wrong.

SITUATION: Poor network response.

* TECHNICAL THUG: Writes scripts to monitor network, then rewires entire machine room, improving response time by 2%. Shrugs shoulders, says, "I’ve done all I can do," and goes mountain climbing.
* ADMINISTRATIVE FASCIST: Puts network usage policy in motd. Calls up Berkeley and AT&T, badgers whoever answers for network quotas. Tries to get xtrek freaks fired.
* MANIAC: Every two hours, pulls ethernet cable from wall and waits for connections to time out.
* IDIOT:

# compress -f /dev/en0

SITUATION: User questions.

* TECHNICAL THUG: Hacks the code of emacs’ doctor-mode to answer new users questions. Doesn’t bother to tell people how to start the new "guru-mode", or for that matter, emacs.
* ADMINISTRATIVE FASCIST: Puts user support policy in motd. Maintains queue of questions. Answers them when he gets a chance, often within two weeks of receipt of the proper form.
* MANIAC: Screams at users until they go away. Sometimes barters knowledge for powerful drink and/or sycophantic adulation.
* IDIOT: Answers all questions to best of his knowledge until the user realizes few UNIX systems support punched cards or JCL.

SITUATION: *Stupid* user questions.

* TECHNICAL THUG: Answers question in hex, binary, postfix, and/or French until user gives up and goes away.
* ADMINISTRATIVE FASCIST: Locks user’s account until user can present documentation demonstrating their qualification to use the machine.
* MANIAC:

# cat >> ~luser/.cshrc
alias vi ‘rm !*;unalias vi;grep -v BoZo ~/.cshrc > ~/.z; mv -f ~/.z ~/.cshrc’
^D

* IDIOT: Answers all questions to best of his knowledge. Recruits user to system administration team.

SITUATION: Process accounting management.

* TECHNICAL THUG: Ignores packaged accounting software; trusts scripts to sniff out any problems & compute charges.
* ADMINISTRATIVE FASCIST: Devotes 75% of disk space to accounting records owned by root and chmod’ed 000.
* MANIAC: Laughs fool head off at very mention of accounting.
* IDIOT:

# lpr /etc/wtmp /usr/adm/paact

SITUATION: Religious war, BSD vs. System V.

* TECHNICAL THUG: BSD. Crippled on System V boxes.
* ADMINISTRATIVE FASCIST: System V. Horrified by the people who use BSD. Places frequent calls to DEA.
* MANIAC: Prefers BSD, but doesn’t care as long as HIS processes run quickly.
* IDIOT:

# cd c:

SITUATION: Religious war, System V vs. AIX

* TECHNICAL THUG: Weeps.
* ADMINISTRATIVE FASCIST: AIX– doesn’t much care for the OS, but loves the jackboots.
* MANIAC: System V, but keeps AIX skills up, knowing full well how much Big Financial Institutions love IBM…
* IDIOT: AIX.

SITUATION: Balky printer daemons.

* TECHNICAL THUG: Rewrites lpd in FORTH.
* ADMINISTRATIVE FASCIST: Puts printer use policy in motd. Calls customer support every time the printer freezes. Tries to get user who submitted the most recent job fired.
* MANIAC: Writes script that kills all the daemons, clears all the print queues, and maybe restarts the daemons. Runs it once a hour from cron.
* IDIOT:

# kill -9 /dev/lp ; /dev/lp &

SITUATION: OS upgrade.

* TECHNICAL THUG: Reads source code of new release, takes only what he likes.
* ADMINISTRATIVE FASCIST: Instigates lawsuit against the vendor for having shipped a product with bugs in it in the first place.
* MANIAC:

# uptime
1:33pm up 19 days, 22:49, 167 users, load average: 6.49, 6.45, 6.31
# wall
Well, it’s upgrade time. Should take a few hours. And good luck on that
5:00 deadline, guys! We’re all pulling for you!
^D

* IDIOT:

# dd if=/dev/rmt8 of=/vmunix

SITUATION: Balky mail.

* TECHNICAL THUG: Rewrites sendmail.cf from scratch. Rewrites sendmail in SNOBOL. Hacks kernel to implement file locking. Hacks kernel to implement "better" semaphores. Rewrites sendmail in assembly. Hacks kernel to . . .
* ADMINISTRATIVE FASCIST: Puts mail use policy in motd. Locks accounts that go over mail use quota. Keeps quota low enough that people go back to interoffice mail, thus solving problem.
* MANIAC:

# kill -9 `ps -augxww | grep sendmail | awk ‘{print $2}’`
# rm -f /usr/spool/mail/*
# wall
Mail is down. Please use interoffice mail until we have it back up.
^D
# write max
I’ve got my boots and backpack. Ready to leave for Mount Tam?
^D

* IDIOT:

# echo "HELP!" | mail tech_support.AT.vendor.com%kremvax%bitnet!BIFF!!!

SITUATION: Users want phone list application.

* TECHNICAL THUG: Writes RDBMS in perl and Smalltalk. Users give up and go back to post-it notes.
* ADMINISTRATIVE FASCIST: Oracle. Users give up and go back to post-it notes.
* MANIAC: Tells the users to use flat files and grep, the way God meant man to keep track of phone numbers. Users give up and go back to post-it notes.
* IDIOT:

% dd ibs=80 if=/dev/rdisk001s7 | grep "Fred"

Other Guidelines:
Typical root .cshrc file:

* TECHNICAL THUG: Longer than eight kilobytes. Sources the output of a perl script, rewrites itself.
* ADMINISTRATIVE FASCIST: Typical lines include:

umask 777
alias cd ‘cd !*; rm -rf ching *hack mille omega rogue xtrek >& /dev/null &’

* MANIAC: Typical lines include:

alias rm ‘rm -rf !*’
alias hose kill -9 ‘`ps -augxww | grep !* | awk ‘{print $2}’`’
alias kill ‘kill -9 !* ; kill -9 !* ; kill -9 !*’
alias renice ‘echo Renice? You must mean kill -9.; kill -9 !*’

* IDIOT: Typical lines include:

alias dir ls
alias era rm
alias kitty cat
alias process_table ps
setenv DISPLAY vt100

Hobbies, Technical:

* TECHNICAL THUG: Writes entries for Obsfuscated C contest. Optimizes INTERCAL scripts. Maintains ENIAC emulator. Virtual reality .
* ADMINISTRATIVE FASCIST: Bugs office. Audits card-key logs. Modifies old TVs to listen in on cellular phone conversations. Listens to police band.
* MANIAC: Volunteers at Survival Research Labs. Bugs office. Edits card-key logs. Modifies old TVs to listen in on cellular phone conversations. Jams police band.
* IDIOT: Ties shoes. Maintains COBOL decimal to roman numeral converter. Rereads flowcharts from his salad days at Rand.

Hobbies, Non-technical:

* TECHNICAL THUG: Drinks "Smart Drinks." Attends raves. Hangs out at poetry readings and Whole Earth Review events and tries to pick up Birkenstock MOTAS.
* ADMINISTRATIVE FASCIST: Reads _Readers Digest_ and _Mein Kampf_. Sometimes turns up car radio and sings along to John Denver. Golfs. Drinks gin martinis. Hangs out in yuppie bars and tries to pick up dominatrixes.
* MANIAC: Reads _Utne Reader_ and _Mein Kampf_. Faithfully attends Dickies and Ramones concerts. Punches out people who say "virtual reality." Drinks damn near anything, but favors Wild Turkey, Black Bush, and grain alcohol. Hangs out in neighborhood bars and tries to pick up MOTAS by drinking longshoremen under the table .
* IDIOT: Reads _Time_ and _Newsweek_– and *believes* them. Drinks Jagermeister. Tries to pick up close blood relations– often succeeds, producting next generation of idiots.

1992 Presidential Election:

* TECHNICAL THUG: Clinton, but only because he liked Gore’s book.
* ADMINISTRATIVE FASCIST: Bush. Possibly Clinton, but only because he liked Tipper.
* MANIAC: Frank Zappa.
* IDIOT: Perot.

1996 Presidential Election:

* TECHNICAL THUG: Richard Stallman – Larry Wall. ADMINISTRATIVE FASCIST: Nixon – Buchanan.
* MANIAC: Frank Zappa.
* IDIOT: Quayle.

Compound System Administrators

* TECHNICAL FASCIST: Hacks kernel & writes a horde of scripts to prevent folk from ever using more than their fair share of system resources. Resulting overhead and load brings system to its knees.
* TECHNICAL MANIAC: Writes scripts that SEEM to be monitoring the system, but are actually encrypting large lists of passwords. Uses nearby nodes as beta test sites for worms.
* TECHNICAL IDIOT: Writes superuser-run scripts that sooner or later do an "rm -rf /".
* FASCISTIC MANIAC: At first hint of cracker incursions, whether real or imagined, shuts down system by triggering water-on-the-brain detectors and Halon system.
* FASCISTIC IDIOT: # cp /dev/null /etc/passwd
* MANIACAL IDIOT: Napalms the CPU.

Quotes from Blazing Saddles

Lili Von Shtupp: Is that a ten-gallon hat, or are you just enjoying the show?

Lili Von Shtupp: A wed wose, how womantic.

[Recalling his gunfighting career]
Jim: I must have killed more men than Cecil B. DeMille.

Lili Von Shtupp: [singing] Here I stand, the goddess of desire / Set men on fire / I have this power. / Morning, noon, and night, it\’s dwink and dancing / Some quick womancing / And then a shower. / Stage door Johnnies constantly suwwound me / They always hound me, with one wequest. / Who can satisfy their lustful habits? / I\’m not a wabbit. / I need some we…
[Takes a breath]
Lili Von Shtupp: … est.

Lili Von Shtupp: [singing] I\’m tired of men always coming and going, going and coming and always too soon.

Bart: I better go check out this Mongo character.
[Bart reaches for his gun]
Jim: Oh no, don\’t do that.
Bart: Why not?
Jim: If you shoot him, you\’ll just make him mad.

Taggart: I got it. I got it.
Hedley Lamarr: You do?
Taggart: We\’ll work up a \"Number 6\" on \’em.
Hedley Lamarr: \"Number 6\"? I\’m afraid I\’m not familiar with that one…
Taggart: Well, that\’s where we go a-ridin\’ into town, a whampin\’ and whompin\’ every livin\’ thing that moves within an inch of its life. Except the women folks, of course.
Hedley Lamarr: You spare the women?
Taggart: NAW. We rape the shit out of them at the Number 6 Dance later on.
Hedley Lamarr: Marvelous.

Jim: You\’ve got to remember that these are just simple farmers. These are people of the land. The common clay of the new West. You know… morons.

Lili Von Shtupp: Hello, cowboy. Wha\’s your name?
Tex: Tex, Ma\’am.
Lili Von Shtupp: Texmam? Well, tell me Texmam, are you in show business?
Tex: Well, no, ma\’am.
Lilly von Schtupp: Then why don\’t you get your fwiggin\’ feet off o\’ the stage.

Lyle: Come on, boys! The way you\’re lollygaggin\’ around here with them picks and them shovels, you\’d think it was a hundert an\’ twenty degree. Can\’t be more than a hundert an\’ fourteen.

Gabby Johnson: I wash born here, an I wash raished here, and dad gum it, I am gonna die here, an no sidewindin bushwackin, hornswaglin, cracker croaker is gonna rouin me bishen cutter.

Taggart: [to Lyle] Now send a wire to the main office and tell them that I said
[Bart whacks him]
Taggart: OW.
Lyle: Send wire, main office, tell them I said ow, gotcha.

[the Governor is having trouble putting his pen back into its holder]
Hedley Lamarr: Think of your secretary…
[the pen goes straight in]
Governor William J. Le Petomane: Thank you. That\’s a good one.

Hedley Lamarr: My mind is a raging torrent, flooded with rivulets of thought cascading into a waterfall of creative alternatives.
Taggart: God darnit Mr. Lamarr, you use your tongue prettier than a twenty dollar whore.

[Bart returns unexpectedly after being sentenced to death]
Charlie: They said you was hung.
Bart: And they was right.

Hedley Lamarr: There might be legal precedent! Of course, Landsnatching… land, land, Land, see Snatch. Ah, Hailie vs. United Sates. Hailie: 7, United States: nothing. You see, it can be done!

Lili Von Shtupp: Is it true how zey say zat you people are… gifted?
[Lights go out, sound of zipper opening]
Lili Von Shtupp: Oh. It\’s twue. It\’s twue. It\’s twue, it\’s twue!

[Lili Von Schtupp offers Bart a gigantic sausage]
Lili Von Shtupp: Would you like another schnitzengruben?
Bart: No, thank you. Fifteen is my limit on schnitzengruben.
Lili Von Shtupp: Well how about a little…
[whispers in his ear]
Bart: [shocked] Baby. I\’m not from Havana.

[the lynch mob comes across a toll-booth in the middle of the desert]
Taggart: Someone\’s gotta go back for a shit-load of dimes!

Hedley Lamarr: You will be risking your lives, whilst I will be risking an almost-certain Academy Award nomination for the Best Supporting Actor.

Jim: Another twenty-five years and you\’ll be able to shake their hands in broad daylight.

Taggart: I hired you people to try to get a little track laid, not to jump around like a bunch of Kansas City faggots.

Hedley Lamarr: Unfortunately there is one thing standing between me and that property – the rightful owners.

Hedley Lamarr: Qualifications?
Applicant: Rape, murder, arson, and rape.
Hedley Lamarr: You said rape twice.
Applicant: I like rape.

Hedley Lamarr: My mind is aglow with whirling, transient nodes of thought careening thru a cosmic vapor of invention.
Taggart: Ditto.
Hedley Lamarr: \"Ditto\"? \"Ditto,\" you provincial putz?

Bart: What\’s your name?
Jim: Well, my name is Jim, but most people call me… Jim.

Taggart: I got it.
Hedley Lamarr: What?
Taggart: Let\’s kill every first born male child in Rock Ridge.
Hedley Lamarr: Nah, too Jewish.

Taggart: What do you want me to do sir?
Hedley Lamarr: I want you to round up ever vicious criminal and gun slinger in the west. Take this down.
[Taggart looks for a pen and paper while Hedley talks]
Hedley Lamarr: I want rustlers, cut throats, murderers, bounty hunters, desperados, mugs, pugs, thugs, nitwits, halfwits, dimwits, vipers, snipers, con men, Indian agents, Mexican bandits, muggers, buggerers, bushwhackers, hornswogglers, horse thieves, bull dykes, train robbers, bank robbers, ass-kickers, shit-kickers and Methodists.
Taggart: [finding pen and paper] Could you repeat that, sir?

Howard Johnson: Y\’know, Nietzsche says: \"Out of chaos comes order.\"
Olson Johnson: Oh, blow it out your ass, Howard.

Reverend Johnson: Now I don\’t have to tell you good folks what\’s been happening in our beloved little town. Sheriff murdered, crops burned, stores looted, people stampeded, and cattle raped. The time has come to act, and act fast. I\’m leaving.
Reverend Johnson: We will now read from Matthew, Mark, Luke…
[stick of dynamite sails in through window]
Reverend Johnson: … and DUCK.